December 4th 2015

The birthday of one of my favourite artists Jay-Z, however tonight it's a track by another artist on an album released today that I've been listening to that has got me thinking. This artist wrote a song about someone close to him passing away, in a way which left himself open and naked to the worlds opinion. I think sometimes, especially as a man, it's overlooked that we are allowed to talk about feelings, and by doing so it helps the mind to breathe. It also breeds respect amongst peers.

2015 has been a great year. It hasn't ended the way I hoped it would, everything I expected to change didn't and the one thing I thought that wouldn't change, did.

I'm used to and very accomadating to change these days, more so than I ever have been which has helped me to adapt to the situation a lot quicker. In 10 months time I pick up my life and move it 60 miles east of DT1, there's a lot of time between now and then to accomplish things that got missed off the list for various reasons over the years. My plan for 2016 is strong, way stronger than the plan for 2015 was.

Long distance relationships are hard and after 4 years mine came to an end recently. After so many good times and memories to treasure, it won't be a part of my life I will forget in a hurry. Of course you run through the emotions, the worst part is losing someone you've grown so close to and cherish, goodbyes are never easy. For me that instantly brings back feelings from the past, feelings I felt when i was 16 years old. It's something I will never be able to rid my system of, it's ingrained in me for life and I've come to accept not to fight that feeling. It's ok to feel that pain.

Xmas is a time for families and as I've said before in previous posts, xmas will do nothing for me until one day I have my own family. There's nothing that can be bought with money which will satisfy my requirements of the perfect gift. However, this week my xmas came early. I was given a note, written by my mum to a friend in 2003, things like this are priceless to me, it's hard to put into words how much it actually means, just seeing her handwriting and the way she used to talk. Things that after 11 years you naturally forget. Over the past few days I've re read it probably 50 times. It's the briefest insight into the person she was and i've shared it below for everyone to see.

Remember this xmas the people that won't make it outside of the hospital walls. It was our families reality once.


Big thanks to everyone who has held me down and been there for me over the past few months. This song is on point and is the introspective type of music that I relate to and love to listen to.


© 2021 Eddie Edmonds