April, an unfortunately beautiful month.

My memory fails me a great deal on the run up to mum’s death.

I remember when she came home from hospital for the final time. The modifications we made to our home to make the end of her life as comfortable as possible. Days on end that she spent sleeping or in bed as she no longer had the energy to function.

I remember the day when she was taken away in an ambulance. The thing that upsets me most about this very brief memory is that she could not leave the house by herself and so therefore in my mind it seems as if she was forcibly removed from us.

Only fleeting memories of the time she spent at Joseph Weld. I have no indication of how long she spent in the hospice. In my mind it is but a matter of days and from one day to the next we saw her deteriorate from the woman that we knew and loved, full of smiles and love, to a shadow, an echo a distant remnant of the person that she had been.

I don’t think I will ever forget that morning when I came downstairs and I knew what had happened before anyone even opened their mouth. It’s not every day that your grandparents, your dad as well as an aunt and uncle are sat in the living room when you wake up on a Friday morning. I don’t know what her last moments on Earth were like, but I do know that she was an incredible woman and that she was incredibly loved by everyone who her life touched.

I remember almost nothing of her cremation, and very little of the church service that was held at St Mary’s in her honour, only that there were a lot of people and it was very overwhelming. I think that that is a very fitting eulogy for my mum, just the pure fact that hundreds of people turned out for her funeral.

We scattered her ashes in Thorncombe woods. She loved those woods and we spent so many fantastic hours there as a family, sadly it couldn’t have been a more perfect time of year.

I wish more than anything that she could still be here with us today, but I am very pleased that she died when she did, that she was finally absolved from her suffering and that she is no longer in pain.


© 2021 Eddie Edmonds