Girls, Girls, Girls.
Growing up my mum was the only girl in my life.
Going through school, it was very hard for me to get close to any females. I had good girl friends notably Hannah Gooch and Dani Smith (hope they don't mind the name drop!!) who I grew up with and was in the same class at school, but that was as far as I could connect with the other sex.
As I got into Thomas Hardye's and Mum's illness developed i found it impossible to even talk to girls, I subliminally blocked them out and batted off any approaches or small talk at school. I was a one woman man and that was Mum. I felt that I would be disrespecting her and our family situation if I got close to anybody else. I couldn't be that selfish, she needed me and I needed her. I had no time for anybody else and the thought of even having a proper girlfriend never even entered my head. Although that being said, Mum would always pester me with "Have you got a girlfriend yet!?" and i would almost take it offensively!
After Mum's death it still took me a full two years to have my first physical contact with a girl, I was almost 18.
The moral of this and the reason I have shared this rather personal story is to show that in times of stress and change, your mind passively makes you do things and changes the way you do things because of certain situations and relationships. You often see people completely changing after the loss of a close relative. The mind has a powerful control, who knows what I would have been like if I had discovered other paths at the start of my teenage years.
Looking back personally I think it happened this way for the best, although maybe I wasn't in total control of my feelings all the time, I don't think I would change anything.
Thanks to everyone who has been checking back over the past two weeks, it was my birthday last sunday (i'm now 24) and I had a hectic schedule so was unable to post any new material.
This page continues to amaze us all, approaching 4,000 views in a month it's truly staggering, the feedback i'm getting, people wanting to talk to me about it in the street and knowing that it's getting to the people who need it are the things driving me on.
I have easily got enough material of my own to see out the year. I will try to add to previous posts if i think of anything else relevant to the stories. The stories will not always be long but each and every single one is honest, true and I hope they will help people.