So after taking on a 4 month electrical project/course I'm back, it's taken a lot of my time and I really had to focus on it otherwise I would have never hit the deadline. I passed the first part so it was worth it, just waiting to hear back from the second part. The time away has also allowed me to think about things, I've been on holiday and a lot has changed in the world.
As soon as I stop moving, both physically and mentally, I start thinking. It's not a bad habit but sometimes it doesn't help me much either. It's nice to relax and think about things from the past, my mind spends so much time in the future sometimes the past is hard to re-call.
Something I have realised, when reflecting about creating this blog, is that I have achieved something I had not set out to do.
The weight off my shoulders is gone. I'm a private person, pretty much nobody outside of my circle knows me or knows my feelings towards anything. The things I have to decided to share on here are way out of my comfort zone, I wouldn't make an effort to talk about these things to many people. Iv'e kept it locked inside, grinding away at my soul. 7 years of mental unhealthiness.
The reason I did this was not to help myself, but I have. I'm open and welcoming to anybody who wants to talk to me about it. I feel respected instead of embarrassed. I'm in such a better place than when I was contemplating doing this almost a year ago.
I never really appreciated that mental health played a part of your overall happiness, I have been in cruise control for years now and it was something I had overlooked. I've had the most stable year of my life in a very, very long time. It is exactly one year since I bought my flat and moved out by myself. It is exactly two years that I've been with my amazing girlfriend. I am also stable in work, after a few years of self employed hard graft, I'm now employed in a new role within a large company. I've had multiple constants over a extended period. Saying this counts for a lot is an understatement, all three have really put my mind into a secure place it has never been before.
I hope to be back updating this blog regularly again now incorporating other aspects of past, present and future life.
My Grandparents (Mum's parents) (Jenny & Eric Haskell for those that know them) celebrated their Golden (50th) Wedding Anniversary last week and we all got together and went for a meal with them that they enjoyed a lot.
I love my Grandparent's and owe them so much for what they've done for me in my lifetime. It hurts me to see how much it hurts them still, even after all this time. They miss my Mum more than anybody, which is understandable. Mum and Granny were inseparable and Mum was my Grandad's little girl.
I know Mum would have been so proud of them for achieving this feat.